The best book of 2011

What book did you read in 2011 that was most inspirational? Why?

Something I can really relate to, books, I do not know how many I have read this year, but the most life-changing one for me has been Born to Run by Christopher McDougall.  Not only is it a well written and enjoyable book to read, but the information it contains is accessible and inspirational.  Since reading the book my old Asics sneakers have been lying in my cupboard unused as I am now running exclusively in my Vibram Five Fingers.  Running without all the padding and restrictions of sneakers has changed my running to an extremely conscious and meditative experience.  You need to look at where your next foot will fall on the earth and if there is some impediment you need to change the placement before you put your foot down.  Although this may sound complicated the brain automatically does all this processing and your feet always find the right place to land.  As the observer this is a beautiful and awe inspiring act to watch.  I can honestly say that this book has changed my relationship with running and increased my enjoyment and presence tenfold.

The best explanation of how nutrition affects behaviour

Nutrition and Behaviour

Health

What did you do for your body’s benefit this year?

This year, age 34,  I ran my first half marathon.  I realised in mid 2010 that my body was not something I was proud of anymore and I had lost faith in its ability to support me.  I went to the gym, went back to yoga and got in shape.  The half-marathon in April was the cumulation of 9 months of training.  Since then I have started running almost barefoot (in Vibrams) and this has been an amazing learning experience.  I have rebuilt the muscles in my feet and am now far, far more conscious of where my feet touch the ground.  Running has become an even more intense grounding and conscious experience than before, and running barefoot has really improved my balance in my yoga.  Today I feel that my body is strong and supportive of my being.  It has also improved its ability to communicate to me and let me know when I am out of balance.  Loving the body I am in is also good for increasing my self-love and achieving my goal was extremely satisfying.  Thank you body, I am so grateful.

Dreams

What was your dream come true in 2011? What is your wildest dream for 2012?

I want to be able to access and believe in my dreams, but for me this is really difficult, I struggle to acknowledge my dreams as to speak them will curse them, so so my perverse mind keeps telling me.  So today's reverb is a real challenge for me.  I looked at it last night to have the evening to ponder it, and woke up this morning with nothing!  Therefore I am going to have to say that my wildest dream for 2012 will be to access and embrace my dreams.  I want to be able to feel them and revel in them and hope and intend for them to come true.  As for 2011, I had many intentions and many of them have been realised, but my secret dream did not manifest and that is because I have not been true to myself.  Until I am more of my authentic self I will not realise that dream.

Important Lessons

What was the most important lesson you learned about yourself in 2011? Was it a sudden epiphany or a gradual realisation?

The most important lesson for me was that I CAN forgive.  For so long I have understood forgiveness, I have wanted to feel it in my heart, but it just never made that journey down from my head and in to my heart.  This year it happened and old wounds I had all but given up on have begun to heal.  Its a cliche, but true, time does heal, it just takes some of us a lot longer than others.  Forgiveness is a kind of release, it allows those old holding patterns to let go and for new energy to fill those spaces, I am not sorry it took so long, everything happens when it is supposed to.

Letting go

What did you let go of this year? Whom did you let go?

This year I left my job to spend 6 months doing 'nothing', rest, rediscover myself and enjoy.  Its been one of the hardest things I have ever done.  I thought that being on a kind of vacation from my life as I knew it would be the most wonderful thing ever.  And, 6 months later I can certainly agree that it has brought about wonderful results and I am very happy, but those first 3 months were difficult!

I would not have admitted before my hiatus that so much of my identity was caught up in my work and what I did.  I thought I had a fairly balanced outlook and attitude.  But giving away that identify caused me to go in to a depression, not serious, but I was there.  You see, I no longer had a clear purpose on an every day level.  I could get up in the morning, or not get up, and do what?  For the first month or so I found plenty of things to do, catching up on life, doing all those things you put off because they are not-that-important that you want to take time off work to do them.  But after that I was lost.  People asked me when they met me what I did and I would tell them I was on a kind of sabbatical.  Everyone accepted that, but then came the inevitable follow up question: what will you do next?

Actually I still do not know the answer to that, but the process of losing all my attachment to my old self has been a really intense learning curve.  I have had to re-examine what is really important to me, what provides me with a sense of achievement and the most difficult one of all, leaning on another.  You see my husband choose to support me in this venture.  As a pretty feisty, independent woman it was a further challenge to be financially reliant on my husband.  Learning to be OK with that was one of the hardest parts of all.  There was so much self judgement involved.  Lazy, parasite, money not being 'earned'... Yikes, there were so many parts of that.  Just accepting that he loves me and wants the best for me and this was his gift to me, well, I am still struggling a bit with it.

Clearly the answer to this question about what I have let go of this year is much longer than this exercise requires.  So to summarise I have let go of so much: most of my job related ego, my self judgement around not working, my sense of self related to my work, my understanding that my value as a person is linked to my earning abilities, my wardrobe of conservative European business suits and impractical shoes... So many things.  And what am I left with?  At this point its a clean slate, ready to start something new.  Please just don't ask me what it is!

Where have you discovered community in 2011? What are the defining characteristics and essential qualities of your tribe?

I believe that we all surround ourselves with people who provide support as well as motivation (both positive and negative) to be our best versions of self.  This community of self is unique to every one of us and if you are lucky, its made up of diverse people from different walks of life.  Being an exclusive part of any 'community' (it could be Spiritual, Christian, Yoga, Raw Food, Trail Running or whatever) reduces your ability to learn and absorb new ideas.  Of course the key word there is exclusive.  Any practice that excludes other ideas will eventually become restrictive and uninspiring, eventually starving you of the challenges you require to re-examine your position regularly.

On the other hand being part of a community is immensely comforting and safe.  Surrounding yourself with people who share your beliefs and respect whats most important to you provides security, belonging, support, confidence, acceptance. acknowledgement and love.

Almost every time I think about these things I come back to balance.  Its important to have a group of core people around you that accept and love you no matter what.  Its equally important to have people who challenge you and inspire you to explore your beliefs in order for you to reach a deeper understanding of self.  Finding the balance between total acceptance and devils advocate is part of our journey in self-love and exploration.  Too much challenge can lead to self-doubt, too much acceptance can lead to complacency as well as overfeed the ego.

In these times the people in our lives will be a combination of those you see physically and those you converse with online.  Again, balance is key.  Online is a great place for the sharing of ideas, thoughts and the written version of what you want to say.  But, just as essential is the sharing of energy and the increase in frequency that being around other people who love you brings.  Your best friend online might be able to stimulate your intellect and you can love them, but its not the same as receiving a hug or kiss from that person right when you need one. Community is so much more than a group of people that share just one set of beliefs.  Your community is the group of people that you have chosen to support you in time here.

My community has expanded in 2011, its made up of diverse people from all over the world, online and off life.  They do not all share the same beliefs, but the wonderful thing about that is that when people's beliefs are so different the universal truths stand out much more clearly.  A small part of me also loves the idea that if they were ever all in the same place at the same time they would form the most unusual congregation of people with the only common factor with many of them being me.  I am extremely grateful to all of them for their point of view and especially grateful to those that constantly challenge my point of view as it is a continual learning experience to be around them.